Identity.

Inertia of Idleness is holding me. Getting more and more tight, every time i loosened that. Schadenfreude or Freudenscade , I am not sure which one i am following , but i keep on changing my mind.

What is my identity? How many time you keep on asking the same question? Well! i am sure I have an answer. Like the one who search for himself all the world, i keep on asking where can i find one. Identity mixed with emotion can have a mixed effect but i will try to cope up with that.

Recently read one book "Identity and violence". It deals with how identity and violence are related and more often turns into more chaotic. Identify oneself is of prime importance. How you see the nuances in your identity is more often a conundrum. But finally we comes out with a solution. Sometime accept it with mere ignorance and never question it again.

I can see my image in the mirror.Formed by many broken images, i know it can but somehow united and smiled. Image came out and swallowed my body , as i watch the same in the mirror.Can i identify my self or my image?.

Can it be for happiness?. Wondering in the desert to find an answer. The sun is too hot and mirages appear all in front , cant recognize where to go ....................

My dream

Alchemy of dreams!!

wonder how it works but nevertheless it works in dreams.Dreams lead me to a place , hidden but deserted and i tried to be a alchemist but never found a tool for that.

Catapulted from my dreams i saw the magician standing in front of me.He waves with all his idiosyncratic gestures and disappeared with my dreams.

I followed him , i can see the mirage , a chimera standing ahead but looks like an apparition , a ghost like apparition. I don't know weather i am in the dream or the dream occurs outside my mind. Magicians smile is dark , a callous indifference to suffering but alchemy never failed. I tried with my magic band and acted like that magician.

I prayed to God. Give me back my alchemy power! Magician smiled as if he is omniscient. I saw the clouds and i saw the heaven. I prayed again. I heard my prayer from Heaven. But i was laughing. Magician was praying from the earth. he was waving his magic band and praying. Bewildered me!. who is acting or who is real ?

Lier!!. Magician called me! I smiled and we walked together.

I can see!!

I fought against my shadows

Shadows are black and colourless

Shadows are angry and senseless

I argued with my shadows

Shadows argued and cried

Shadows objected and screamed

I left only with my shadows

Shadows follows! And obedient

Shadows lovely! And wonderful

Shadows fought against each other

Never cried or screamed

Shadows argued each other

Never angry and hasty

I opened my body

I saw the shadows fighting there

I saw my heart pumping millions of shadows

I saw dancing shadows

Black colourless but beautiful

I ran for survival

They are following me

I ran for existence

They are behind me

Black images

Black shadows

Gazing me like an enemy

Closing my eyes with your shadows

And with my thoughts

You can hear that, but unlikely .........

You follow that but I lag behind.......

Come back

Scope for destruction created a path for my thoughts. Wonder whether that could be anyway different, if I choose something else,

Last time I allowed my thoughts for its wonderful journey, I saw chaos and awful events. It was anyway similar to the one I saw before

Never occurred in my mind, how I dealt with it or how I allowed myself in a harmonious way to block the memory. Sometimes it blocks your memory and creates a black hole and absorbs all your energy!

Destruction, chaos, havoc, mayhem, negative thoughts and never I tried to reach the other pole though it was never out of reach

Last time I saw myself I saw the path which leads to a place where unknown faces gazing me

Last time I woke up from my dream my heart beat was too high...

Allow me to gain the face of the Spartan,

Allow me to gain the heart of phoenix...

Allow me to choose the destiny

Not for myself. but for the sake of destiny

Allow me to wait for myself

The wrath of god and satisfaction

Wonderful events follow after a melodious song

Enlarging your energy into the hemisphere...

Colourful pictures displayed in the sky

Masters behind the screen

I saw the naked hand

Screen is so fast to monitor...

Beautiful events follow...

ജ്ഞാനും ചിലന്തികളും

ആദ്യമായി മലയാളത്തില്‍ ഒരു ബ്ലോഗു എഴുതുവാന്‍ തുടങ്ങിയപ്പോള്‍ ഇട നെച്ഞില്‍ ഒരു വേദന. കാലാകാലമായി മലയാളത്തിനെ ഉപെഷിച്ചിരുന്ന ഞാന്‍ വിണ്ടും ഒരു മലയാളം ബ്ലോഗു എഴുതുന്നതിന്റെ അടകാനാവാത്ത വായു പ്രവാഹത്തിന്റെ അനന്തര ഫലമാണെന്ന് ധരിച്ചാല്‍ തെറ്റി , നിങ്ങള്‍ക്കല്ല , എനിക്ക്
ഇന്നലെ വെട്ടി വിഴുങ്ങിയ ചൈനീസ്‌ ഫുഡിന്റെ പ്രതി പ്രവര്‍ത്തനം കൊണ്ട് ഉണ്ടായ ഗ്യാസ് കാരണമായിരുന്നു അത്
മാനസിക ആഘാതം കാരണം സംഭവിച്ച ഒരു ഒളിച്ചോട്ടമല്ല അത് , പക്ഷെ തിരച്ചുവരുവാനുള്ള ഒരു കാരണമായിരിക്കാം ഇതിന്റെ ചേതോവികാരം.. എന്തായാലും ഒരു ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് Impetus അയാല്‍ മതിയായിരുന്നു എന്ന് ജ്ഞാന്‍ ആഗ്രഹിക്കുന്നു.
ജോലി ചെയ്യുന്ന കമ്പനിയുടെ പടച്ച തമ്പുരാന്‍ ചെയ്തു വച്ച തോനിയ വാസങ്ങല്കു പ്രതിഫലം ചെക്കായി വന്നപ്പോള്‍ അനന്തരം ജ്ഞാന്‍ ബെന്ചിലായി . അതിന്റെ മടുക്കുന്ന ചിലന്തി വലകള്‍ ആകാം ഒരു ബ്ലോഗര്‍ ആകാന്‍ പ്രേരിപ്പിച്ചത് , പക്ഷെ mate കഴിഞ്ഞു തിന്നാന്‍ വരുന്ന ചിലന്തി പേടി സ്വപ്നങളില്‍ ഒളിച്ചിര്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങിയിട്ട് കാലം കുറെയായി... എന്തായാലും ഞെട്ടി എഴുനെല്കുമ്പോള്‍ ഇത് സത്യമല്ല എന്ന് മനസിലാകുന്നത്‌ കറങ്ങുന്ന ഫാനിന്റെ അടിയില്‍ മറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്ന ഗൌളി കണ്ണുകളാണ്...
ചെലന്തി വലകള്‍ മറവിയുടെ പേജുകള്‍ ഒളിച്ചു വെക്കുന്ന മാന്ത്രികനായിരുന്നു ഒരിക്കല്‍ , പക്ഷെ ഇപ്പോള്‍ മാന്ത്രികന്‍ എല്ലാം പുറത്തെടുക്കാന്‍ തുടങ്ങിയിരിക്കുന്നു... കാലിയായ തൊപ്പിയില്‍ നിന്നും മുയലിനെയും പക്ഷിയെയും വ്യളിയെയും പുറത്തെടുക്കുന്നു... ഞെട്ടി എഴുന്നെല്കാന്‍ എന്റെ കാലുകള്‍ കലമ്പല്‍ കൂട്ടുനുടെങ്ങിലും പറ്റുനില്ല.... ഉറച്ചു നില്‍കാന്‍ ഭൂമി താഴെയില്ല... താഴെ പാതാളവും മോളില്‍ കറങ്ങുന്ന ഫാനിന്റെ മുരള്‍ച്ചയും...
പക്ഷെ എനികറിയാം അതിന്റെ ഒടുവില്‍ ഒരു നിഴലിന്റെ മറവില്‍ എന്റെ വിധിയുടെ നിഴലാട്ടങ്ങള്‍ ഉണ്ടെന്നു... കറുപ്പും കറുപ്പും ഇണ ചേര്‍ന്ന് നില്കുകയായിരിക്കാം , പക്ഷെ ഒരു മന കണ്ണിന്റെ ഫില്ട്ടെരിന്ഗു അവശ്യം ആയിരിക്കുന്നു...

Miracles

I love miracles. Not the one which enables you to levitate yourself but the one which makes you feel comfortable! I love miracles, if that can keep my energy in a normal level and excitement in a flat tone. I never found that!
My eyes were closed. I can imagine the purpose of hiding from everyone like an ostrich which buries its head and feels the pleasure .I want a miracle like that, away from danger, hiding my head!


And the sky gazes upon the earth like gods wonder
My heart is sad for it knows not from where comes its call. (Tagore)



Sleep sometimes gave me pleasure. Being away from any obstacle , fearless, that stemmed from the lack of consciousness. I was longing for that answer, what keeps you fearless like a kite controlled by someone else but still wants to fly like a free bird. My mind is still hoping for something which can help me to keep my consciousness away.


I have wandered in pursuit of voices that drew me yet led me nowhere……

Sometimes blogs are the way you can relax... .. even write about anything you want without noticing anything noticed by anyone....

I was thinking for the last couple of weeks about my topic... nothing occurred ...and it just delayed. Always procrastination is the way i follows.. but today i decided to write something here..... something about what ? that is the biggest question


Often came across lots of issues ..but what? .. will this world change according to my views..or can i start a trigger .. but always end up with a bullet less revolver..

NO matter what... i just want to write here... even if there is no issue..

one day...............

Life is always unexpected, happiness, soreness or mere platitude expect us everywhere. There were situations where we will be entirely taken by that. We have lots of gold covered moments in our hearts, every time we hear that glitters more.
Life was almost flowing for me till the end of last year. There were summits of happiness, sometimes bad outcomes; it was more than like a flowing river. It is often said that when the world tumble your heart will raise to the occasion. I too believe in that. That was a day I never forget and perhaps can be the most memorable day in my life. Chaos everywhere, everyone expects a mere downfall. I want to tell you how I felt, as kind of platitudeness I accepted that. I thought this might be hard for my fellow mates, my project mates, and my friends in the company. I thought the work might get interrupted and I thought I will lose my heart.
I can tell you how I felt when I went to my office. It was acceptance and enthusiasm. I saw no one with a faint heart. I saw strength in everyone. All my project mates were working and without a feeling of nervousness. The girl on the other side was talking to her boyfriend and smiling. Project Manager having his usual meeting. Things were going as usual everywhere. Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts”. I saw the courage in their face. I asked to one of my friend. He said. “I am not afraid. Perhaps I consider myself lucky, so that I can prove myself in these toughest times.” I understand that attitude. Never look back, you never need that. I was absolutely delighted. I never got such a response from anyone. That was wonderful. You feel the hardness as an opportunity. That was even an attitude change.
I consider this as the most memorable day in my life. The reason is that it changed my perception. It changed my outlook to people who are near to me. And finally it changed my life.

Hope..........

“Hope -- Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope!”
“In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation. A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead.”
We have heard enough about hope. Red in the film “The Shawshank Redemption” goes this way “Hope? Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. It's got no use on the inside. You'd better get used to that idea.”
Who knows in which way it can turn into? But we are hopeful. We are waiting for the tide to comeback; it cannot remain in the sea for a long time.
We are hoping that one fine day things can change, it can change the world upside down, it can change our perception about what and who rules this world, and in turn it can change our life. I am optimistic.
Hope is the keyword. Hope in the face of difficulty or that dangerous thing, both goes in the same way. Either you struggle to get out of that difficulty or you succumb and perish in to the nadir of your own dreams.
Indifference is a good attitude in terms of outcome. Because it gives nothing. But where is that glittering charisma, that God’s greatest gift ….
You need to have hope. Hope of destruction or construction … either way it goes... But that can only change the world... From hopeless and hapless to opulence …

Difficult times….

When the thunder strikes you, you know light was there….. When great falls comes in front, you know speed of that air. There was no anticipation this time, people were in summit. We never looked down and thought the slop was always upwards. We never anticipated that turn! But now here we are, nadir of our dreams and hopes!

I know we cannot go back …. Wonder what a time machine can do at these times!

We were always in our own prison. Hopes were their gates and always closed so hard that we keep on going, not knowing that one day it can turns you around. We were always greedy checking our stock market gains every day, waiting, hoping that it keeps on increasing. We were always planning hoping everything will comes in place and here we are now

Who is responsible? Is that our dreams which finally gave us that bad way? I don’t think so, and I strongly believe some think which is very awkward

Where is the money now? Where all our gains which are In thick dark.. Gaining each and every day , gone. Are we paying the Americans back? What is all these great bail out plans…. Why banks are collapsing there... Why did all Americans banks withdraw their investment from Indian market and gone in to thin air

We are paying the Americans, Our hard earned money going into Americans and Europeans pockets!! Banks want them to spend money and ready to give any loans even if they are in a position not to pay back. And they are withdrawing their money from Indian market………..

Is this Colonialism? I strongly believe yes!

We need to fight back? Hackneyed stories ….. We need to be prudent at least from now onwards… tired usage!

When your stock market gaining each day, believe that you are going to stop one day and put that money somewhere.. When you are aiming for quick money be ready for loss too...

Stories bound to happen….. But only a hero can change that story. Come out from our own story and create another … may that can change history...